By Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt
Even though I have a son, I have experienced great breakthroughs with my own mother when she was alive that I have passed onto my clients and books… may these simple but profound tools allow you to have a connection beyond your dreams.
1. Stop Judging Her…whether you are the daughter or mother… notice that when our attention is on blaming the other, we create our own prison… letting no love out nor love in. I’m not saying pretend or avoid or deny… just choose awareness… see her… allow ALL of her… and as soon as you stop judging her… she will feel and something will shift. The dance of drama will cease. Something new is now possible.
2. Stop Judging Yourself…I find this one more challenging! I seem to find caring and compassion for others with more ease than for me… yet with practice this is changing. I used to think not judging myself meant being righteous and superior… yet that’s a lie. Not judging me is about extending great tenderness and care, kindness and compassion to myself… that I’m doing my best… that I have the capacity to choose again, and again, and again. Let your shoulders drop. You are truly beautiful just as you are.
3. Butting heads is normal…relationships have phases… they are not meant to be business as usual day in day out. They are ever changing.. with their own energy and consciousness… the relationships is real and alive and at different times requires different elements to thrive. When I got into my mid-teens… I desired more freedom while my mom desired more protection of me! Thus we experienced butting heads and yet our relationship was perfectly unfolding into the next phase… like birthing a baby… uncomfortable at times and yet nothing’s wrong! Just part of the journey birthing a miracle! Thus you’re not failing; just embrace the crunchy parts knowing you’re right on time.
4. Stay Physically Connected… When we feel misunderstood, not heard or gotten or even made wrong, we often pull into our shell and withhold touch or affection. While this might be a tall order, still move toward one another and touch a hand, brush hair off a cheek, give a hug, a kiss at bedtime… sometimes touch can communicate far more than words ever can… even a gaze that says, I love you. You are courageous enough to stay connected.
5. Be a Mom First, not a Friend...this one is the hardest… it’s the moment where we as moms may have to choose to put down healthy boundaries that makes our kids not like us, yet ultimately respect us, respect themselves and even if it takes years (took me into my early 20’s to come back around, yet my mom truly became my best friend as two adults) what’s possible is that holding space for their greatness, and withstanding their dislike for you with a fierce fervor of unconditional love for them, unwavering love, a tsunami of love for her greater than any momentary drama… she will feel this… you standing like the ocean, deep wide and knowing of her worth… this is the deepest gift you can give her.