I remember when my husband and I separated, he went off to NYC to get laid for the weekend. Lovely. Then he married MY female financial advisor who found out a millionaire was on the loose. Ouch.
When my clients tell me war stories of him leaving her for a younger woman, her taking him to the cleaners, the betrayals, abandonment and cruelty that goes on, the first thing to help them out of stuck sorrow is to get angry.
As we begin the new year, we make resolutions, promises, declarations to ourselves and the universe. New year, new life, new love, new you. Question is, do we believe all that we declare? Specifically, do we truly need a new love or is loving “You” enough?
There are a few signs to know when a life partner is not right for you:
YOU THRIVE ALONE: Signs that your partner is a contribution to your life, is that all OTHER areas of your life get better. Thus a sign that having a life partner (or THAT life partner) is NOT for you is that when you date/be exclusive/get married, all other areas of your life worsen, fall apart or suffer. Take a bird’s eye view and assess your situation honestly.
YOU’RE RESISTANT/UNWILLING TO MAKE SPACE: Everything in life either lifts you or depletes you. And everyone is wired differently. If you get cranky at the thought of having to share your home, your time, your closet, your money, your vacations, your evenings… then making space for a full time life partner isn’t right for you now, or at all. Honor what’s true for you.
YOUR PRIORITIES ARE ELSEWHERE: Relationships take time, energy, money and focus to thrive. If your priorities are on your career, your spiritual growth, your children as single parent… be bold and courageous enough to honor that and don’t string someone along, use them or lie to yourself just to be socially acceptable if you’re happier going it alone.
So what do you do now?
BE HONEST: Just because you may not desire a life partner, doesn’t mean you don’t desire sex! Be upfront, honest and truthful when meeting people so no one’s heart gets hurt or expectations crushed. Create a solid foundation of authenticity and allow yourself to ask for exactly what you desire: Do you want them to stay over? Do you want to engage in texting/emails/phone calls in-between sexual adventures? Do you desire gifts or public displays of affection when out? Do you require you or them sleeping with only one person at a time or are you OK with many partners at one time?
HONOR YOU: Take regular time to get clear inside with what’s true for you. Then be courageous and noble by communicating these truths to lovers. AND be willing to change your mind as you navigate life without a life partner in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond… stay out of conclusion. Stay intimacy connected to YOU. You are amazing, unique… one of a kind 😉
I wanted to share this amazing journey with you.
This 3 part-series of articles was just published in Elephant Journal about Somatic Sexual Wholeness. The author very courageously shares her journey of reclaiming her sexuality and beyond, the spirit of her heart.
I am truly amazed and extremely humbled by her journey, and so grateful that she chose to write about it with such rawness and transparency.
I hope by reading this, you are as inspired and transformed as I have been.
Part one: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/07/the-unconventional-therapy-that-got-me-back-in-the-sex-game/
Part two: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/07/how-yoni-massage-helped-me-heal-from-generational-trauma-shame-adult/
Part three: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017/07/one-truth-about-owning-our-sexuality-we-can-all-benefit-from-adult/
All my love,
A.
An outrageous myth that has been circulating for quite some time: women don’t want sex as much as men. Yes, we do! We love sex! We just need a little more to get us started and wish our men would do these three things in the bedroom.
What an honor! I was recently interviewed by the amazingly inspirational Cyndie, who founded Feminine Mastery. We shared personal formulas that we use to live deeply fulfilling & financially free lives, the emotions existing behind the embodiment of the sexual and financial freedom and how to love yourself enough to be able to be one with the Universe.
Question: I am ready to get out there and start dating again; however, I am currently living with my ex. We thought it would be better /cheaper to be roommates but how do we do this without it being awkward? I don’t want to hurt him but I want to move on with my life!
