How does it get better than that?
Or is it really challenging?
My male clients LOVE the opportunity to connect more with their kids, make their own rules, learn to make a mean mac and cheese… yet it’s also challenging with work schedules, leaving work in time to pick them up for soccer practice and learning to navigate co-parenting, cooperation and scheduling with the child’s mother, who could range from someone who has elegantly shifted into a friend… or as draining as Medusa.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve given my clients is to destroy and uncreate all the judgments they have about their child’s mother… let go of all the blame, regrets, hatred, disappointment, frustration, expecting the worse, jealousy… etc. ANY and ALL of that locks into place the drama you had when you were married! AND it drains your power, let’s her push your buttons, gives her the capacity to trigger and control you.
Now I’m not saying condone behaviors past or present, just that if you eliminate all judgment, all that’s left is awareness and you really become wise, discerning, clear and focused on creating solutions, boundaries, schedules that work AND you put all your precious energy into your kids and into what makes you happy in life.
Once you’ve done this inner work, releasing judgment of her, it’s time to be sure you’re not hanging onto any judgment of YOU… no self-pity, blame, guilt, anger or remorse is going to be the key to make you feel better… it’s only going to prolong your heartache, make you a less than present or playful Dad AND make you VERY NOT sexy. Way unattractive. And heaven forbid you date in this state, you’ll attract a low self-esteem woman who will make matters worse.
You know how confident I feel about my transformative coaching programs, especially my Dear Lover DVD. Do yourself AND your kids a favor by going through this 6 weeks to curing the nice guy, healing your wounded heart and mastering the art of getting her to say yes. It works. And dammit- you in your full potency is a gift to the planet! Anything less is a disservice to us all! Be sure to hang out with some good men, not woman bashers, men who believe in you and have your back.
You will know when it’s time to date again. It’s NOT when you feel needy, empty and lonely. Promise me, OK? It’s when you feel healed, empowered, on your game, ready to have someone contribute to your badass life and ready to contribute to a great woman’s life.
Enjoy the process, be good to you through it all, let those kids watch you grow, expand, evolve and shine. You can do it.