She Wants More Kids. I’m Done!
Question: I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for 12 yrs. We have two amazing children and as far as I am concerned, our family is complete. She wants to be a stay at home mom and I’m completely supportive of that. However recently she’s complained how our youngest doesn’t need her anymore and she wants more children. I’m a CPA and while I make great money, I can’t afford to support a bounty of children. If she wants to get a job I wouldn’t be against it… but I can’t get producing mouths that I’m only working to feed! Wisdom please for this desperate husband.
Answer: I am so grateful for your honesty and your willingness to reach out and talk about this.
So much about being an intimacy expert is inviting people “into me I see“ to discover their deepest vulnerable most honest truth.
Quite often when we want more kids… or when we don’t want more kids… It can be a knee jerk reaction based more on need or conclusion rather than really taking a deep dive into our fears, concerns, values and taking the time. It’s important to deeply play out “what if“ best and worst case scenario‘s as a partnership.
There’s this lovely exercise that I was reminded about in Dean Graziosi’s Millionaire Success Habits book… where he talks about the Seven Why’s… I think it would be sensational if both of you separately went through the exercise of why you wanted more children or why you didn’t want more children, then come back together to discuss.
For example, you might ask, Why do I not want more children? The answer might be that you feel a lot of pressure having to feed more and more mouths. Then I would ask, why do you feel pressure having to feed more and more mouths? Get it? Keep going seven layers deep and see where you get to.
Same with your wife. Why do you want more children? She might answer, because the youngest doesn’t want to be with me. Then ask, why is it important that the children want to be with you? Keep going deeper all the seven layers deep.
This process will get to the root of her desire and the root of yours… so you can transparently bring your deepest truth to one another. Then play out different scenarios and make sure you still are both on the same page, on the same wavelength, still respecting one another creating a life that works for both of you.
I could be wrong, yet I sense it may be intimidating to begin something new in uncharted waters for your wife, when she’s so familiar and successful at motherhood. Perhaps this is even an invitation for the two of you to deepen your intimacy?
Clients of mine with successful intimate relationships both are transparent and honest with themselves and with their beloved. The capacity to sit in your own fire and look at areas that are uncomfortable to take responsibility for, is a huge evolutionary step towards having a conscious relationship.
If you can be with your own discomfort, you can sit and listen and stay present in a conversation that’s uncomfortable with your partner, yes?
And of course, the opposite is true. When were unwilling to feel and process our feelings, unwilling to look at our shadows, unwilling to forgive the past, unwilling to take responsibility for our actions, that lack of intimate communion with our self spills into the relationship causing friction, conflict and most often… separation.
Maybe I’m a little weird… yet I really love sitting in the fire! I love facing shadows. I know from 18 years of coaching that so much power and freedom and expression and vitality is on the other side of the resistance! I honestly feel it’s the greatest privilege to be so honest, connected and raw with my clients. And I absolutely love watching their relationships thrive 🙂
Know that I’m here for you and your wife to go through a series of six sessions together supporting each of you personally and as a couple to work through this very important question in a way that’s deeply aligned with each of your souls and create the future that both of you desire.
You can apply for a complementary strategy session at www.allanapratt.com/connect.
It would bring me such great joy to see you in my inbox knowing I could guide you to greater connection, understanding, intimate communion and an even more thriving family 🙂
All my love, Allana
