How To Live and Date as a Single Mom
Question: As a single mother, I am anxious about balancing my son's needs/happiness with my own. How do I find that balance?
Answer: Beautiful sister, I totally get it. I've been a single mom since my son was 1 years old and indeed it is a dance. Before we get into the How’s to balance your son's needs and your own happiness... I'd like to address the word you chose... Anxious. I wish we could talk in person to learn more about why this makes you feel anxious. Are you afraid you'll be a bad mother? Are you afraid you won't honor your worth and lower your self-esteem? Are you afraid it's impossible? Are you afraid it's a no-win situation? I would ask you to journal about what your worst case scenario programming is? What are the limiting beliefs that are making you address a situation with anxiety as opposed to curiosity and delight?
I definitely remember when my son was 1 years old going to his dad's half the time and my breasts were still leaking milk... It was devastating and lonely and horrible and I felt like a failure as a mother and as a woman. After one round of him being at his dad's and coming back to me when I was exhausted and upset and not in my centered radiance... I was a shitty mom! All of the worrying didn't do any good. All of the getting upset didn't make things one bit better. I wasn't the present, playful and patient Mom I wanted to be.
So the next time he went to his dad's for the week I decided that I would remember what they tell you in the airplane about putting your oxygen mask on first, I remembered the saying, When Mama's happy everybody's happy. I decided the best way to be the best mom I could be for him when he returned... was to take exceptional care of my Body Mind and Spirit when he was gone. I have a phenomenal book that I wrote during this journey called The Missing Handbook to Motherhood. It’s not about getting your mojo back, it's about birthing a whole new delicious you! I recommend you love yourself by reading it. In fact I recorded the whole thing on audio so you can even listen to it as you drive or go to the gym or are making meals... Everything that you're resisting or feeling anxious about is where you're giving your power away and your energy away.
When you shift from resistance into allowance you can start to become curious and take new actions. You can give yourself a break and see new solutions. You can learn to ask for help. Then you can discover where you get the biggest bang for your buck to both take care of you AND be a great mom. Then when you’re ready, you can decide what kind of man would be a nourishing contribution to your life. You're not going to have as much time to date as the average single woman and so your standards will be high- that’s a good thing!
I encourage you to have great clarity of exactly the components of a relationship that would help you in being an even better mother and more fully expressed woman. And what unique characteristics you have that are a gift to your ideal man. There are many men out there who have been raised by a single mom who have great respect and honor for what you are going through... I recommend you choose one of those kind of men so that you feel deeply seen, safe and understood.Let me know how you feel after reading and listening to the book... As I would love to keep in touch and celebrate your baby steps and big triumphs!
Humongous love, Allana
