November 26, 2018 |

How to Handle a One-Sided Relationship

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Question: I support my wife but she won’t be a shoulder for me, it’s not fair.

Answer: I totally get how it must seem unfair that you're there for your wife, but she won't be there for you.

Masculine and feminine energies... roles... dynamics can be challenging. Men are supposed to be the rock. Women are supposed to be the nurturers. Yet inside we have both roles, both energies, both capacities.

It seems that when she needs you, you listen, don't judge, are a rock, have her back, make her feel safe, yes? Or by support do you mean you pay for things, provide things and experiences but not in the form of intimacy, listening?

I ask only because it seems odd that if you're a safe place for her to be heard, seen and understood without being judged, fixed or quieted down, why wouldn't she also provide that space for you?

May I be straight love? Your comment "it's not fair" seems a little whiney. Childish. Ready for evolution. Ripe for deep noble insight. I'm wondering if you both might be ready for growth in this area... for thinking a man doesn't need a shoulder from time to time is also naive.

First off, I'm sorry if I'm the first one to break the news, but life isn't fair. Not by a long shot.

It's tough. Challenging.

And it's also breathtaking. Exquisite.

It's everything.

Just like we are everything.

Life is equal support and equal challenge. Equal pain and pleasure. Day and night. Ups and downs.

It's our aversion to the down, challenge, pain that causes suffering... what if there were just as many gifts in the obstacles as in the times of ease?

And what if too much ease, pleasure and flow can be destructive, disadvantageous?

Thus what if your wife's challenge with supporting you was a gift to see you without judgment? For you to embrace vulnerability? For you both to learn to sit in the fire? For you both to love yourselves and each other unconditionally, without condition? For you both to ask for what you require in a partnership in a way that didn't make the other defensive, and instead opened you up into deeper intimacy?

A great place to start would be a night time ritual of reading aloud together... let's start with my 4th book 7 Steps to Manifest your Beloved While Staying True To Yourself. I know you both are already married... yet let's have the Beloved be SELF first. The exercises in the book are amazing to bridge the gap you're experiencing and dissolve blame of the other person. You can even try out Chapter One of my book as my complimentary gift at

Bottom line you two are operating on two separate teams... and the divide is growing. My book with take you through 7 key steps to come home to yourselves and each other... creating the foundation you both desire to thrive.

Should you desire additional couples sessions to ensure you bridge this divide and grow deeply and intimately over time, I champion you in taking proactive action and reaching out to register for a $97 discounted session with me to ensure we're all a fit for amazing growth, breakthroughs and a thriving marriage. You can register at

Bottom line I get this feels unfair and you're suffering... yet with a shift in perspective and a willingness to see the gift in this... you two are on the road to the deepest intimate connection of your marriage to date, that will only grow over time in connection, vulnerability and exquisite love.

Huge blessings, Allana xoxo

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