December 28, 2018 |

How To Deal With Passive Aggressive People

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Question: My boyfriend is SO extremely passive aggressive, just like his mother! I push him to just say when something is wrong instead of dragging it out with the little comments here and there. What tools/tips do you have for helping him grow a spine and let me know when he has an issue with me? While my words may sound harsh here, I provide a loving open space for him to communicate, I keep my frustrations internal so that he doesn’t feel judged or insecure (as you have taught me through your videos).

Answer: Your validated frustration is so hysterical! What can you do to help him grow a spine? May I be straight my love? Even though you've kept your frustrations under rap, I imagine that he senses it and might experience life with you as walking on eggshells. Not just women are intuitive, yes?

When a man knows you judge him, don't approve of him, wish he was different, wish he would change… it makes him defensive or defiant or simply stuck feeling helpless about his behavior. The same of course is true for women… None of us like knowing somebody disapproves of us, yes?

What if you took a huge spiritual leap and simply allowed his behavior without judgment? I didn't say like it or prefer it, just for now allow it.

Then you would be safe to be around, then you could authentically share how you feel without it coming across as superior or unkind or exasperated.

Then he might open up and get vulnerable and intimate with you and share why he doesn't have a spine, perhaps as you said from growing up with his mother.

Perhaps then he would have the courage to connect with me for some coaching sessions because he's not calling me because you've decided he's bad and wrong, he's doing it because you believe in him and you're safe and you're honoring and he wants to do the right thing to please you by first honoring himself.

Hell maybe the two of you might go through a series of sessions together supporting you in being an allowance of something you don't desire, which is the only way he'll have space to show up… and supporting him in learning to be grounded present and confident in his communications. What a pleasure and honor that would be… We all have somewhere that we can improve and grow, yes?

Go to to apply for a complementary strategy session to see if the two of you are indeed a fit for me to invite you to work with me. It could very well be the best investment you ever made in your life and your relationship.

So much love, Allana XO XO

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