You asked, “Coach Allana, I am a happily married man but my wife just can’t satisfy my sexual needs. We are so opposite in the bedroom. I obviously don’t want a divorce but I don’t want to be unsatisfied either. Help!”
This is such a common issue for both men and women… for rarely do we grow and evolve at the same time… one partner often takes the lead and so being safe, inviting and connected as we grow at different paces can lead to separation in a relationship.
Let me ask you- were you EVER satisfied in the bedroom or has this always been an issue? If so, why did you get married when your sexual needs weren’t met? Did you hope you could change her? If not, and you were on fire at one point, what has occurred that has led to the disconnection? Kids? A fight that you never made up from? Have you been taking tantra courses and she hasn’t?
There are soooo many questions that I’d want to ask to give you exactly the advice that would create the breakthrough you desire, so I highly recommend a strategy session to get clear so we can create change. www.AllanaPratt.com/strategy Book yours now so we can get you some results.
In the mean time, something that has worked with several couples is to have one experience of pleasure, say 30 minutes, just for her… then the next night 30 minutes for him. Of course each partner is at choice if they feel comfortable meeting the other’s request yet it creates a safe place to explore and honor one another.
Sometimes our mind says we don’t like something yet when we try it in a non judgmental grateful space, we find out we really like it. Other times this brings up the issue even more intensely which rarely has to do with our partner an instead with old wounds of our own…and instead of blaming our partners or hiding, we can seek support from a coach like me.
Sexual desires aren’t right or wrong, they are simply what you desire. Never feel wrong or bad or dirty about what you desire. See if you can find a way to have your needs met in a way that both partners can live with. Even if one doesn’t feel in the mood, ask, Can I help you get in the mood? or What can I do to help you get in the mood? Be willing to support your partner, and if the partner doesn’t want help to be in the mood, than the other partner can do satisfy themselves on their own. If this happens occasionally, no big deal. If it happens all the time then it’s time for a third party such as my self, a coach, to help you navigate this tender sacred subject so that we can create a path to fulfillment for you both.
There are several workshops, retreats, even surrogates to help heal and bring freedom and fulfillment around sexuality. There is no need to give up. And yet both parties have to be willing to give it their best. Challenges can be scary, and yet sexuality can be one of the most fertile grounds for growth imaginable. Having someone non judgmental, unconditionally loving, honoring and safe to discover, evolve and grow with, can turn a challenge into an adventure… and you’ll be so glad you embarked on the journey. I would love to meet you and/or your wife to find a way for you both to be fully sexually satisfied in your marriage. It’s totally and completely possible.