February 12, 2019 |

40 Year Old Son Won’t Move Out. Help!

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Question: My son is 40 years old and won't get the hell of my house. His mother coddles him and still pays for everything. He does work, several jobs in fact, but constantly says he doesn't have any money. If I bring it up, it just turns into a fight. She won't admit she is an enabler to his lazy ass. What can I do?

Answer: OMG, I can only imagine your frustration! I left home at 19 on my Uncle Phil's 18 wheeler semi for Los Angeles and then Tokyo and the adventure has never ended... I can't imagine having your 40 year old child, a grown man, still living at home with your wife paying for his existence still! Yet you are clearly killing the Valentine's Day Buzz talking about your wife like this!

There must be so many feelings, of course frustration and feeling used... But also shame on some level that you haven't been able to empower your child to become a man. I can imagine there's feelings of anger towards your wife for coddling him and yet deeper on some level there must be sadness that you don't have aligned partnership with her to empower your son's capacity to live on his own.

In the video I was being a little feisty when I got into the Valentine's Day Challenge energy suggesting that the your wife and you have sex all over the house in front of him, totally gross him out, so he leaves! It's not such a bad idea though, you know :-) Sounds like your marriage could use a little kindness and connection?

It really I think what's happening is an invitation to all three of you to evolve and grow up into mature human beings who can communicate in a conscious way even if the other doesn't approve or appreciate or like or agree with you.

It seems your wife needs to fulfill her sense of purpose in another way other than keeping her child at home, and they belong and cuddling him. It's also a time for her to deep in her partnership with you and stand as a united front believing in him yet creating a plan for his exit.

It's a time for you to step into even more masculine guiding leadership and be a loving demand that he stands on his own two feet and knows his worth and his capacity to thrive on his own while acknowledging with your wife's fears yet not letting her behavior stop the aligned connection between the two of you to be a united front empowering your son and creating the space for the two of you to deepen your intimacy as empty-nesters.

It's most certainly a time for your son to discover what it takes to manage his money and live on his own. He's clearly capable of several jobs however he doesn't have to save any money because your wife and you pay for everything. On the outside he may seem ungrateful or pick fights, yet on the inside I'm confident that he's terrified if he really has what it takes to be on his own. Sometimes in life the only way to grow is to jump off the cliff and Sprout wings :-)

What's right about all this for your Valentine's Day Challenge is this is a chance to be fierce love!

Challenge number 1: Make contact with your self and listen to wear you are out of Integrity, What feelings are beneath the anger that you've been unwilling to feel, what is your deepest truth.

Challenge number 2: make contact with your wife and let her know your truth and your commitment to create a plan for your son's moving out in a way that empowers him and doesn't enable him, and your desire for being an aligned front with her, heart open.

Challenge number 3: make contact with your son as a united front believing in him and grateful for all the lessons you've all learned, yet it's time that he moves out and discovers his innate power on his own. You've created a plan and you're looking forward to co-creating that plan into even more effectiveness with his input and that on this Valentine's Day all of you are living in Fierce love of self and other and what's possible for this family.

Challenge number 4: Take your wife out for dinner to celebrate. You two deserve to get your lives back. Remember why you love each other in the first place. What is it that you'd like to create together next? What does that matter? Looking back 5 yrs from now, why was this meaningful to support your son like this? Toast to new beginnings.

You can do this. It's time.

It's only going to get worse if you don't handle this.

What you resist persists. I'm sure you can see that now that he's 40.

Your worst case scenario will be created if you don't take action and alignment with your truth.

I'm here to help sit in the fire with you should my support be the key to the highest outcome for all. You can register for a discounted $97 introductory coaching session with me at

Humongous bold Fierce love, Allana

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