October 16, 2018 |

3 Ways To Get Your Girlfriend to Notice You

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Question: Coach Allana, what can I do to get my girl to stop ignoring me? She’s always watching her TV shows or reading a book or she goes into her bedroom and stays there all night. I can text her and she reads it but then ignores me for hours, and if I say something about it, she says her phone opened her messages. We fight all the time about this crap. I’m so ready to run. I’m 50 and she’s 36 with four kids. Two of them live with us and I just don’t know what to do.

Answer: First off, I am so sorry. This really sounds like you two are at a standoff and I really acknowledge you for reaching out.

Second, this isn’t going to be solved in a response even as committed as I am to supporting you. This issue didn’t get created overnight and it’s going to take a commitment on both parts to heal this and come back together in a way that works for both of you.

I’m wondering what happened that begin her watching TV shows, staying in her room all night, no more intimacy and ignoring you?

I wonder if something was shoved under the rug… Or if MANY things were shoved under the rug and she’s retaliating with this behavior, albeit ineffective.

I wonder if this was happening on some level all the time but you just enjoyed being a hero rescuing a damsel in distress but were never really honored or valued to your depth of your being ever in this relationship… And it’s just surfacing so painfully now that you can’t avoid it anymore?

Notice that you fight all the time about this crap, as you say.

Notice that’s not making things better.

Notice that’s making you want to run.

Notice there may be another approach...

There is a space before fighting about this… a small opening between stimulus and reaction… Victor Frankel talks about this in his book, A man’s search for meaning… it’s that place where we actually have choice to react or respond. To take a breath and be present, or to maintain the victim blame pendulum, feeling rejected and taking it personally.

This space is another word for being present, centered, grounded, conscious… it’s the way you take your power back. It’s the way you stop being a victim of your circumstances. It’s the way you learn to navigate your intense emotions but not become them.

It's the way you heal a situation like yours. It’s the path of healing and bringing the two of you back together in an honoring way, not just for you or for her… But for those two kids who are living with you so that you can show them what a healthy relationship looks like.

Doing this work is not for the faint of heart, certainly not for people that want a quick fix, not for people who make excuses or need to think about it or aren’t willing to do whatever it takes to be their best self and live their best life.

I have the privilege of working with some of the bravest people on the planet whose hearts are the size of Jupiter, who knows it hurts more to live a lie, a life of mediocrity than to give it everything they’ve got to be their best self and savor true intimate communion with themselves and their beloved.

Even if you shoot for the moon you land in the stars… Yes?

What I mean is, even if you did your inner work and you still ended up completing the relationship… That would be better than blaming her and running… You would’ve grown internally. You would leave with honor and forgiveness.

For if you don’t, with all due respect you’re going to attract another woman exactly like her, just in another body. And so will she. And the suffering continues. Just worse the next time.

I have an extraordinary recorded Webisode Program that can help you do the inner work required to get a different better outer result. You can say yes to the healing required to change this right now by investing in the 7 week Homestudy version of Heart Splayed Wide Open. You literally could begin to change things right away with my proven support tonight.

Or if you’d like to work with me personally and engage in a more flushed out 3 month version of the 7 week Webisode curriculum that includes additional private sessions and group calls… then I’d like you to register for a $97 discounted introductory session with me to ensure you are a fit to invite to the badass tribe of men and women who are committed to healing what's in the way of creating thriving intimate relationships.

You can register for your discounted $97 call with me at

I look forward to seeing you in my calendar and providing the healing, coaching, mentorship and loving guidance you require to be cherished, respected and honored for the great man you are.

Blessings, Allana xox

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