February 2, 2019 |

3 Signs That Distance is Saving Your Relationships

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Question: Hi Allana!I am 57 years old and will be retiring in about 3 years. My friend wants me to come live with him once I retire. We have been together for the last 5 years and have talked about marriage. My daughter thinks it is a bad idea to just move in with him after being apart for so long. What do you think?

Answer: I have a couple questions about your question… Because on the one hand you refer to this man is your friend yet on the other hand you said you've spoken about marriage. And given your daughter is concerned perhaps that's an indication of the lack of clarity or discernment in what this relationship is really about, possible?

If you're going to move in, whether you're about to retire for just fresh out of college, it's important to talk about your expectations around money, sexuality, who's responsible for what, and being an allowance of each other's priorities and values.

If marriage is something you're committed to having then I would definitely talk about it BEFORE moving in, perhaps with an engagement and a date on the calendar? How does that feel in your heart? If marriage is not something that you desire or require, and they're still needs to be clarity around who pays for what and what your retirement funds look like.

These conversations will be a great indicator of how well the two of you get along navigating deep conversations as a window into the future of your relationship. These can be the most intense yet also intensely rewarding conversations to have with someone… when there's honesty vulnerability and true dreams put on the table.

What's true for both of you can be revealed and you can co-create a life even better than you have now! And if in this conversation it doesn't go in a way that works for you, you saved yourself a lot of heart ache, time, energy and money, yes?

If I can be a help to you getting clear with what's true for you and clearing away anything in the way of the courage to have these conversations AHEAD of time, setting you up to win the best possible outcome, I would be honored. Apply for a complementary strategy session at So much is possible… I encourage you to value all that you have to contribute to him and open wide to receive more than you ever have before :-)

Love, Allana xoxo

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