Can't Have an Orgasm With my Husband
You asked Allana, “Why am I having such a difficult time having an orgasm with my husband. I have not had a real one in over two years and I haven’t told him. What should I do? Why is this happening to me?”
Fabulous question and such great growth potential! Why are not having them – it could be hormonal, it could be that you are not having enough lubricant for it to feel good, it could be that you guys aren’t really connecting (you may just be going through the motions). It could be a number of things. At this point, you just want to dive in and do some journaling, some question asking about the physical things and emotional things. Ask yourself “Has something happened?” Sometimes, when there is an elephant in the room, a woman may stop having orgasms because she doesn’t feel completely safe to let go, to totally surrender. Is it possible that something may have happened that never got healed and as a result, you are not letting go, and thus you can’t orgasm.
You haven’t told him. I understand how hard this may be as you don’t want to disappoint him. You don’t want him to think he is not enough because he is amazing, right? Yet, not telling the truth is kind of being a fraud and if he found out you were pretending, it may really hurt his feelings. I wouldn’t ever encourage anyone to lie; however, withholding information is sometimes the kindest, most loving thing to do. Very rarely, but sometimes. If you started a conversation with him by saying “I haven’t been orgasming in two years and I have been lying to you.” Ouch! If you are asked directly, you can choose whether you want to tell the truth or not; but, if he doesn’t ask, you can very well tell him that it has been happening for a little while now. Tell him you want to talk about it and ask him to help find a solution with you. Once the conversation is over – vow to yourself moving forward that you are not going to hide, you are not going to resist. Promise yourself that you are going to sit in the fire, even if it is uncomfortable, with your husband and talk about difficult things. So this is a growth opportunity for you.
If I can help you, as a couple or separately, with the whole dynamic of surrender, and the whole dynamic of communication, so that this is something good – that there is something right about this, please let me know. Now, you have the foundation to talk about sex your whole marriage – it’s free, it’s open, you can do it and it is a gift.
All my love,