Menopause is Killing My Sex Life
Question: Allana, my wife and I have been married for 36 years but lately she's been going through menopause or I said went through menopause as she is 53 years old. Now, she doesn't like to be touched anymore! She wasn't much of a touchy-feely person anyway. I love her dearly and I used to show my affection by hugging her, rubbing her back, rubbing her feet for hours but now she doesn't like it. In fact, any touching - passive, intimate, or sexual - she cross-exams like it's disgusting. What do I do?
Answer: Wow, this must be so frustrating for you, like walking on eggshells given any touching be it passive, intimate or sexual, she cross-examines as disgusting! That must hurt your feelings and feel like such rejection, yes? I'm wondering how you navigated all the 36 years when she wasn't much of a touchy-feely person anyway... It sounds like you really are a touchy-feely if you're willing to rub her feet for hours...I'm sure you've heard of The Love Languages and clearly you enjoy physical touch. What is her primary love language?
Have the two of you been to counseling?
Do you engage in authentic conversations?
How do you handle conflict all the way through to resolution?
Have you expressed to her how sad her rejection of your physical Expressions makes you feel?
Has she expressed why she feels as turned off...is she feeling angry or sad or disconnected?
Have you created a safe space for both of you to simply be understood without any justifications or reasons or rebuttals?
I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of perhaps an Integrative Medicine Doctor to help her body and emotions regulate. That's not my specialty yet there is a lot of support out there.
However when it's emotionally driven because of an unresolved argument or a long-standing unhealthy style of communication... this I can help heal the wounds in both of your hearts and bridge the gap so that each of you can get your love language is met. It's amazing how nourishing, sensual, connected and delicious communication becomes when you really feel safe, seen and understood so you can enjoy another few decades of your marriage together in a happier more connected intimately thriving place.
