How do I know if he has fallen out of love with me?
You asked, “Allana, how do I know if he has fallen out of love with me?”
Well first love, ‘cuz he says it. Have you sat down and asked? No seriously, do you have a consistent practice of communicating about tough issues, or even just checking in on what’s working and what’s not working in your relationship? Do you know what makes each other feel loved? Touch? Gifts? Communication? Acts of Kindness? Verbal praise? Many times when it feels our partner has fallen out of love with us, it has built up over time. Rarely is it an on/off switch, yes?
Thus, if you can have regular communication and be sure to nourish one another in a way that works for the other, it builds intimacy, honor, trust, gratitude and deepens the expansive love that’s possible between two people.
Second my love, you’d suspect that he’s fallen out of love if he isn’t kind, doesn’t touch you, doesn’t take interest in you, is degrading with comments, leaves you out of events, basically treats you with disrespect… and yet there are times when a separate issue is the cause of this…and you assume it’s you. For example, perhaps something’s going on at work, perhaps he’s become addicted to porn as his sexual connection, perhaps his parents are ailing and its bothering him… again this comes back to communication. Talk to him about what’s going on.
And when you talk, saying, “we need to talk” can be abrupt. Being accusatory doesn’t work. Nor does defensiveness. Nor does victim martyr behavior. Stand in your power and a huge open heart and connect to the love you have for you, and the love you have for him. Create an intention that you desire the conversation to be about: connection, authenticity, honor and exploration of what would increase the flow of love in your relationship.
In fact you could even say that you’d like to connect after dinner and have an authentic talk about what’s working, what’s not working and how more love could flow in your relationship. You could begin by praising him of all that is working for you and why you appreciate him. Then let him go. You could continue by saying you desire more “X”… and ask if that’s something he’d be willing to provide? Ask him what he’s like you to provide more of.
And if old patterns of defensiveness come up and this conversation is tough, yet you both really want this to work, then connect with me to hold space for you in a private coaching session. You’d be amazed at how safe it feels to have someone create a sanctuary to get to the real reason for the disconnect… create clear understanding for each party, and a plan to rebuild intimacy and take it beyond where either have you have ever experienced! Isn’t it great to know that’s possible? I’m here for you should that feel right. Trust your intuitive wisdom. Simply book your session atwww.AllanaPratt.com/strategyand I’ll personally contact you to set up our time together.
Lastly, love isn’t 100% the same 24/7. There are ebbs and flows and that’s totally normal. It’s how we respond vs react when this happens, that determines whether the relationship breaks up, or moves onto something deeper, more rich, rewarding and intimate. I’d be honored to show you the way to deeper connection over time.