He Has a Fit When I'm 'NOT in the MOOD'!
You asked Coach Allana Pratt, “I feel as if my husband doesn’t understand me. I do so much for him and our family but he has the biggest fit when I am not in the mood. How can I get him to understand that I am being stretched thin and to back off?
Feisty woman! I love it! It sounds to me that each of you have needs that are not being met. You have a need for some support, some appreciation, some acknowledgement for what you do around the house, all day long, maybe with the kids as well, and that kinda gets you in the mood – that is almost foreplay for you and that you would be grateful to make love all the time as long as you were showered with acknowledgement for what you do so you would feel seen and valued and honored, I’m thinking. So you can ask for that – using the sandwich method.
For him, it’s really interesting (and this isn’t across the board but just in general) that a lot of men get in the mood, they feel acknowledged, they feel valued, they feel connected through the act of having sex, not before – sex first, then they feel really connected. This can often make the wife (or girlfriend) feel like a piece of meat, not a work of art. So first, I would say be open that his desiring of you is more than just a piece of meat, he thinks you’re hot! He loves to connect with you, he thinks you are beautiful. See if you can look through a different set of glasses, and see that his advances towards you are actually a positive thing, not a negative thing – to start with. Also, ask him to go a little bit slower. I am also going to ask you to see if you can be in the mood a little more – ask for help and be willing. Ask him to run a bath, rub your feet, etc. Be willing to take some time for pleasure. Be willing to take responsibility to get yourself in the mood, ask him to help you get in the mood, so you can enjoy sex because it’s beautiful, it’s nourishing, it’s healthy, it’s good for your hormones, it’s good for your marriage, it’s good for everything.
You need to be heard and I think he does too. Ask him why he wants it. I bet it has a lot to do with how amazing he thinks you are and how much he desires you and wants to be close, I’m thinking. A little communication goes a long way. If I can ever help, I’m here.
Even one private session can sometimes change a relationship if this has been going on for awhile and this is one of many different issues, it would be great to do some sessions. Divorces are expensive, counseling isn’t. I’m here for you – hope that helps.
All my love,