How can I take care of my child and be intimate with my husband?
Question: My husband and I are the proud parents of a beautiful little girl. She is my world. I don’t know what I would do without her. I can’t seem to do anything without thinking about her, worrying about her, and wanting to make sure she is ok. I am consumed by her. I know that I can’t seem to do anything about it, which is starting to cause problems in the intimacy department. I don’t want to have sex because I feel I won’t be able to get to her if she needs me. I might not hear her. I sleep in the nursery every night because I am so worried about her. My husband is trying to be understanding but I know that his patience is wearing thin.
Answer: Wow! To ask me this question is quite the person to ask. Yes, you are right – this isn’t working. Your worrying isn’t love – it’s worry, it’s fear – not love. We have two choices – fear or love. I also know the love of a child. I know that they are everything. You created them in your body, they are the most precious thing to you ever. Yet, do you want your daughter to grow up, afraid? If you have to be by her, sleep with her, not even make love and enjoy rejuvenating your sensuality and connecting with the father, she is going to think life is a scary place, life is a dangerous place – she will never relax, open, be joyful, be free, be alive if you are so on her with all of this pressure and I know this is not what you want. I know that letting go, surrendering, having faith is excruciatingly painful for you, and you can do it.
I remember when I let my son go live with his day primarily, I even remember when he was one and we started 50/50 and my breast were still full of milk, I just wanted to be with him. I have my own, similar experience of that terror of what was going to happen to him. I have even experienced death, my best friend died when I was 16. It was one of the biggest gifts to help me by the time I got to be a mom. I have been through death to the other side. I believe we are eternal beings. I have been through the most excruciating pain of watching my mom die as well, and I kept breathing.
This is your coaching – I would really encourage you to do some coaching with me. I can take you through this fire to the other side and you will experience your eternal nature and you will give that spaciousness, safety, and empowerment to your daughter – and your marriage will get back on track, and your husband will be grateful! Promise! Visit allanapratt.com/strategy – put in the code “friend” and you will get a discount. Let’s connect – I promise you after one session, you will be like “Yep – she’s my coach – let’s do this!” or go straight to 6 sessions, and let’s do it.
To continue our coaching here, breathe – I bet you are holding your breath a lot. I bet when you hold your breath, your mind starts spinning. If you stay in your breath and breathe, I am not saying this is fun, but if you keep breathing through what you think is going to kill you – I promise you it won’t. It will be scary, it will be difficult, and very uncomfortable. When we breathe down into our hearts, breathe down into that belly that birthed that beautiful baby, keep breathing – the emotion/fear will pass through and leave and you will be left more peaceful, more calm, and more connected to your intuition, which is what is going to keep your baby safe – not the worrying – that is going to make her scared. After you release the fear in your intuition and in your belly, that is your awareness and discernment and that is what is going to keep your daughter safe while keeping your calm and keeping you connected to your husband. It is completely possible – I promise you.
In the meantime, breathe, and know that I love.
You can do this.