Advice for Expecting Special Needs Parents
Coach Allana Pratt was asked: “My wife and I have three kids and they all have special needs and we just found out we are pregnant again. I’m excited but at the same time we are in our mid-forties and I don’t know if I’m going to have the energy to do this again. Do you have any words of advice?”
The first thing I would say is be authentic. Maybe not in front of your wife (if she can not take it). I don’t know how your relationship is, the depth of authenticity allowed; but, get the initial “argh” out of your system so you can be truthful in the moment.
Three kids without no specials needs is a lot of work, I would start asking the universe “Ok, what is it going to take to get this to unfold with ease. What would it take for us to receive more support than we ever knew was imaginable. What would it take for us to find special programs, that we could receive support from or put our kids into?” Just start asking questions of what you need so that you can be the best dad you can be. You can have the energy to be present with them the best you can.
Also, remember your marriage. Have those conversations of birth control if this was an “oops”, what can you do to really be at choice in the size of your family. Then I would ask, what’s right about this? What’s the gift in this? What’s the opportunity in this? Maybe there is a way that this will break you through to a whole other way of operating as a parent. Maybe you are here to teach a lot of other people how to be an amazing parent. If you keep asking for the gift, you’ll find it. So that would be my advice.
This is not an easy road. I honor you for being willing to take it and to steward these beautiful souls that chose you as a dad and as a mom. Be sure you take care of you because when mom is happy, everyone is happy. When Poppa is happy, everyone is happy. You are the foundation of the family so the more you can ask those deep questions, take actions and alignment with your deepest truth, being sure that you fill yourself up, the kids are going to be fine. You will be in that state of worthiness to open and receive support. Hopefully it will bring you and your wife closer together than ever.
Thank you for your question. All my love,