Question: Sometimes we get distracted by life and drift apart. Do YOU have any tips on how to rebuild intimacy?
Answer: I absolutely love your question. It’s so true. Life is busy and challenging and we can take for granted that we have this amazing partner and we drift apart. It’s like a plant that you assume will just keep growing without water, sun or pruning. Doesn’t happen. I’ve heard there is technology where you can actually hear the plant SING when you walk in the room and shine your light love and water on them!
People require tender loving care, starting with ourselves so our bucket is full. That’s a challenge with never-ending demands of life so here are 3 tips that will support you rebuilding intimacy with your partner:
1) ME Time: I know you want to rebuild intimacy with your partner, yet when you’re running on empty, this is an inefficient use of your time and energy. Where do YOU get the biggest bang for your buck with renewal, replenishment, returning to your most alive state? Being in nature? Meditating? Being with people? Appreciating beauty? Being touched? Make appointments in your calendar once a week for YOU even if it’s only 30 minutes. Make it sacred and don’t ditch your ME Time for work, errands etc. If something comes up, you can move it, yet not cancel it. The plant will forgive you for missing it’s watering for a day or two, yet leave it too long and it withers… and so will you.
2) Building Affinity: When you have an affinity for someone, you like them. Of course you love your partner, yet have you forgotten how much you like them? What about when you turn around and your earrings you left on the coffee table somehow find their way back to your jewelry box? What about that snack that miraculously appears while you’re watching the game? What about the way they smell? What about that dimple and how it makes your heart open? What about their choice not to rub it in when you were late picking up the kids and they just hugged you in appreciation? Catch your partner in all the ways you LIKE and appreciate them and TELL THEM. Face to face, in a text, an email, a sticky note. Express affinity and watch the chords of love, light and intimacy weave your bond of connection.
3) Weekly Dyads: This is something that was taught to me by Warrior Sage and a practice I did with a boyfriend every Sunday for nearly a year. It consists of 3 questions. You go back and forth and you’re only allowed to say Thank you which means I understand, not I agree. It creates a really safe space to be heard and not fixed or argued with. We did this practice for 40 minutes yet even 20 minutes will rebuild intimacy.
Question 1: Tell me something you like about me. (go back and forth for about 5 minutes)
Question 2: Tell me something you think we agree on. (reminds you that you’re on the same team)
Question 3: Tell me something you want me to know. (this is space to share about your desires, fears, frustrations, dreams…try not to say YOU which puts people on the defensive. Stick with I feel, I desire, it would make me happy if…)
As time goes on, you can use this communication model when driving on a road trip, when on a date, when in bed sleeping in… Tell me something about you and your sexual fantasies. or Tell me something about you and money. or Tell me something about you and your aging parents. This will HUGELY rebuild intimacy. You can even create your ritual to end with making love each time, sometimes slow and tender, sometimes crazy kinky… you’re in charge.
And lastly, intimacy has a lot to do with trust, honestly, vulnerability and it requires consistent loving attention to grow, deepen and expand. Remember intimacy isn’t sexual, it CAN include sex, yet it’s a way of connecting so expand your intimacy to speaking with your kids, your clients, your friends… to God, Source, Nature, your Body… how many places can you experience communion?
And I would LOOOOOOVE the blessing and privilege of having a potent love-life changing one hour strategy session with you to hold deep intimate space for the most important relationship of all, YOU with YOURSELF. Often what’s in the way of rebuilding intimacy is guilt, fear, shame, denial… and once we connect and heal/shift those ways of being, your intimate relationship with your partner will be met with ease, grace and of course deliciousness. Go to www.AllanaPratt.com/strategy and sign up today. I will contact you personally to book our time on my private conference line or face to face on Skype. Your return on investment will be priceless.