Does jealousy Get In the Way of Your Friendships?
As a relationship coach and intimacy expert for the past 15 years, I’ve learned that so many successful women value themselves from the outside in- accomplishments, size of their butt (or ring!), how their kids are doing, what their husband has done… along with this comes competition, adrenal burnout, heart disease, a high divorce rate and kids that text more than talk to their moms.
I haven’t seen as many women value themselves from the inside out, their capacity to forgive, let go, speak kindly to themselves when they make a mistake, when they age, when they choose to stay home with the kids and leave the stressful job. I haven’t seen as many make Mom Time a priority or treat themselves like a work of art taking time for a walk, the spa, or a good book.
When women look to connect with others, this is an act of intimacy… In To Me, You See… true connection, begin gotten, heard, honored and celebrated for whom they are AND who they aren’t. This isn’t possible when the woman hasn’t first looked within herself. Thus friendships can be shallow, even competitive, unsatisfying or even painful.
Successful friendships are built on a few key pillars, the first being authenticity, telling the truth. Keeping your word, honoring privacy, not fixing and instead just being with the other person. My clients and friends equally request an “Allana fix.” A new client today wrote, “I honestly do not ever remember a time when being around strangers or talking to someone I didn’t know on the phone didn’t make me anxious…until today. I felt completely at ease with you over the phone after talking with you for a few minutes.”
That is because I am at ease with myself. This took years of inner work and I’m still a work in progress. I take time to journal, meditate, sacred dance, receive coaching and mentorship, attend retreats and practice being real, non-judgmental and celebratory of myself, my son, my friends and my clients.
Lastly, someone obvious but sometimes a blind spot… friends aren’t meant to fill a void while you’re dating to meet the “one.” That’s called using. Friends aren’t meant to make you look good cuz they belong to the country club, nor are friends simply convenient because both your kids play baseball. Friends are chosen to contribute to your soul’s evolution, and you are to contribute to theirs. You feel lighter around one another. You are there for one another no matter what. If you can count your friends on one hand, you’re lucky.
Be the friend to YOU that you want to have and it will all fall into place magnificently.>