Sanity Saver: Parallel Parenting
PARALLEL parenting, which basically is when co-parenting doesn’t work and they have resorted to letting go, no communication and separate parenting “what happens at your ex’s house is basically none of your business….”
I became pregnant the week after my mom died, was divorced within a year, lost the house and crumbled. For the past 8 years, I’ve tried Non-Violent Communication, therapy, healers… I’ve shriveled my existence to try to hide; I’ve expanded my presence to be a threat… nothing worked. Until, he slapped me with an OSC to try to take my son away for Sole Custody. Then I woke up.
To be honest I judged him for being a jerk. Yet I judged ME MORE for marrying him in the first place. My son would act out, bully, or be bullied. He even bit his finger nails down to bleeding. Yet, once I HAD to stand up for myself, I shifted. I KNOW that when you open the dictionary to Mother, you see my picture. Yet, what I had to understand is that my son’s father doesn’t WANT to get along, he WANTS to fight and so court was the best thing that ever happened to me!
Now everything and I mean EVERY COMMUNICATION is through OurFamilyWizard. I don’t speak to him, no emails, no texts, nothing. Everything is by the book. He hasn’t co-operated with two points in our judgment since court and now I don’t get upset or give my power away, I let my lawyer handle everything and it’s easy!
We have week on, week off and our lives are like two separate countries. Our son is thriving at a new school, he no longer bites his nails, and I am flourishing in my career and love life, even lost a few pounds (of protection I was holding!)
And I don’t hate my ex., While I certainly don’t like him, he’s like a far off asteroid in the galaxy and I am looking toward a big bright SUN of a future for myself… honestly grateful for the lesson, he’s been, in my life to regain all my power as a mother. On my phone his name comes up as GratefulGrateful… for that’s truly how I hold him now, grateful for our son, my lessons and all that’s possible now that I don’t judge myself for not being able to get along, I parallel parent and love my life.>