Are you competitive with your friends? Do you become jealous of them?
When I thought I was powerless, when I thought I couldn’t create my own reality, when I thought I was a victim unable to take action that would create a new reality… I was WAY jealous of others. I was a supremo victim, would say all sorts of nasty things to somehow justify my unhappiness. No one had told me yet that I created my own reality. No one told me that when other’s made me jealous it was actually a GIFT and invitation to say, Hey what would it take for me to have that too?
I remember when sexy women used to make me feel about 1 inch tall. In fact I remember two days ago when that happened. I was at Sheila Kelly’s SFactor Retreat out in Palm Springs. On the last night there was a ‘free dance’ section where we were all in a circle and there were 6 poles and when you heard a song you loved, you stepped up quick and the first 5 to step up got to enjoy dancing to that song. I am only 3 months into my journey as an S Woman. I don’t have many pole tricks and I’m not in total embrace of my erotic creature. I honestly cried my face off the whole time releasing SO much about being in survival these past 10 ten years dealing with my son’s father.
So I felt totally intimidated by these amazing women who had these killer outfits, were doing insane tricks, owning their erotic creatures. I mean, I was glued to my seat for over an hour feeling worse and worse about myself. So I got up and moved… went to the bathroom, said to myself, F’ck this shit… they all started somewhere and didn’t give up. I am not going to judge me for what I’ve been through or where I am. I’m going to celebrate that I’m taking action to pole dance, taking action to change custody around, and dammit, taking action to get my ass on that floor even if what I’m doing seems like Kindergarden! I insist on having fun being me!
So I did. And I danced. And the women cheered. They were kind. And I lived. And I will keep dancing. Keep showing up and keep growing. For being jealous won’t get me anywhere. But saying THANK YOU SISTER for the invitation to come home to ME… now that will take me beyond the stars.