The lost years: Loving a commitment phoebe
There are signs that a person is a commitment phoebe. It could look like they see you and it’s amazing and then you don’t hear from them for days or weeks.
It looks like wanting to keep things casual, nothing exclusive or promising things they break their word on.
Physically it can look like darting eyes, inability to be present and stay connected, uncomfortable with silence, always seeking the next addictive hit to squelch the pain they feel of letting go, to let someone really see them.
What’s curious, not bad or wrong, just curious is to ask what is it about this person that attracts me? (When clearly you aren’t getting your needs met if you choose a long term relationship).
For me, while I am a successful coach, I have my blind spots too! My father, while now dry, was drunk and stoned during my upbringing and I yearned to be seen, heard, gotten, valued…and in my adult years would literally be attracted to unavailable men… to try to finally be ENOUGH to win his love…
Talk about destructive!
If this is you… email me. Time to do your inner work for the bad news is, this issue gets worse over time, your heart gets more destroyed and confidence crashed. The good news is that with a professional such as myself, you can heal those wounds internally, experience BEING seen, heard, gotten and valued from within… and then attract a quality AVAILABLE partner to share your life with.
Totally possible. If you could’ve healed this alone, you wouldn’t be with this person right now. Love yourself deeply enough to receive help so you can have the relationship you truly deserve.>