Should you spy on your partner if you think he or she is cheating?
You know the whole ‘do unto others’… rights?
So how would you feel if someone spied on you? Read your email? Stole your phone? Followed you in your car? Sent a private investigator to follow you?
If you suspect something, talk to your partner about it. Notice I didn’t say confront, corner or accuse. This is time to soften your edges, get vulnerable, and get real about what’s not working in your relationship, express your fears. If you don’t make it safe to talk about what’s not working, then people tend to feel validated for doing things that harm the relationship, to assert themselves. Yet if you have a policy to be in allowance of what’s true for one another and you agree to stay and contribute to one another so long as what they choose works for you, it’s always safe to be real.
It’s when we deny a part of ourselves, hide it, stop hanging with our friends, let go of our favorite hobby, stop kissing like that because they hate it, stop wearing that because they don’t like it… can you feel yourself getting smaller and your life force energy getting weaker? Can you sense how resentments would grow, and expand until one day someone tells you they LOVE horseback riding or adore wearing huge funky scarves and VOILA! Validation! They SEE me! They GET me and before you know it… infidelity.
What if it never got to that stage because you decided 1. to honor you 2. to honor your partner 3. to tell the truth and to 4. live your truth, free of judgment of self or other, focusing on what you could contribute to one another’s lives to make it more delicious? And only choose someone with which that would work?
How yummy would that be? How void of spying would that be? Be willing to have clear communication at the beginning and watch how your relationship can get stronger over time as more respect, honor and joyous experiences unfold.>