Not So Obvious Marriage Rules
After 15 yrs. as a relationship coach, two divorces and successfully sharing the do’s and don’ts on FOX, TLC, CBS, currently featured as the Intimacy Expert on The Ricki Lake Show and just booked for OWN’S Unfaithful docudrama… here are some unspoken marriage rules that are most successful when defined with clarity.
Get clear on what flirting means to you both. Are you OK with him praising women in front of you? Does he have social media female friends that you don’t know that he flirts with? Does he have lunches or dinners with other women? What works and doesn’t work for each of you? What’s the deal? Be willing to ask, even if it’s uncomfortable.
2. In Law Issues:
Again, what’s the deal upfront? Does family veto your vote or the other way around? Are you honored if you choose not to attend events or is he? Do you make decisions jointly or are you now expected to provide things you are not comfortable with? Unveil assumptions, ask questions, listen to your heart and with kindness, speak what’s true for you.
Learn about each of your styles first, spender? Saver? Then you immediately know who you’re talking to, can erase all judgment of right and wrong and see the potential balance or pitfalls of your blending of styles. From this clarity, talk about the deal. Joint account, separate accounts, save 10% off the top, how much savings makes you both exhale? With impasses, take breathers, blame doesn’t work, nor does avoidance, so resume with what’s Possible Here attitude, open to the solution and ending up closer than ever for having had this intimate discussion.>