Is this relationship doomed from the beginning?
I swear the most important thing we can ever do for ourselves is to become conscious. We don’t have a hope in hell of making good choices until we clear away the judgments blocking our truth.
I didn’t purposely go out and get married and divorced twice. I didn’t set out to destroy those relationships. I didn’t set out to be hurt or judged. And yet in doing my ‘work’ on myself to become conscious, aware and responsible, now I can see that I was totally insecure, seeking that connection, validation, acknowledgement and celebration of me that I didn’t receive as a child.
Mom and Dad did their best. Yet Dad was drunk and stoned and mom was kind of checked out keeping it together the best she knew how, eventually overeating, stuffing her anger, getting liver cancer and dying at 60. Dad is sober and has been for about a decade, yet I wouldn’t have his relationship for a godzillion dollars.
So a relationship is doomed from the beginning if you’re not present, seeking ‘enoughness’ from decades prior, putting so much pressure on the other to deem you worthy, that you ignore red flags, you deny your values, you go against your morals and sentence yourself to a prison of your own making, in hopes of “THIS TIME” someone honoring you. These kinds of relationships tend to be passionate, addictive, roller coaster and then combust.
Bless that song by Taylor, We are never ever getting back together. She got it. She saw the destructive pattern. We are all capable of seeing where we ache to be known, seen, gotten and loved… and do our inner work to heal that in a healthy way, experiencing self-love, esteem, confidence, joy and pleasure for no reason.
When ‘whole’ on the inside, free of self-judgment or doubt, choosing to nourish ourselves and be with those that honor us, for WE honor and delight in being us… then we vibrate at a level of joy, we are aware of how people tick, stay away from those that live in drama and are attracted to those that live in possibility, kindness and gratitude.
One note that, I think, my whole NEXT blog post is about is that, after the drama stage, before the bliss/enthusiasm stage… there is this void, this bored, almost numb state when the addiction of passion wears off. This isn’t wrong or bad, it’s normal and part of the journey. Soon you’ll be turned on by kindness, fired up by tenderness, and able to experience an intensity of energy found in vulnerability that is more seductive, orgasmic and enlivening than anything I’ve ever imagined possible. Hang in there. It’s totally ‘haveable.’>