Do’s & Don’ts of Dating

Do’s & Don’ts of Dating

Do date from a place of overflow.

Why...

When we date from empty, desperate to have a relationship, we settle, refuse to see red flags, lower our standards and eventually break up with them OR they break up with us because our half-ass attempts are met with half-ass results. Desperation clouds our judgment and you may end up with someone who will just make you more insecure. However, when you do the inner work to date from fullness, from the overflow, from already loving your life and CHOOSING vs needing a partner, you become confident and irresistible. Sometimes our ‘thank you but no thank you’ even makes someone step up, show up and claim you the way you’ve always desired.

Don’t take dating too seriously.

Why...

When we are super attached to the results, when we make dating super important and when we make finding the one super significant… we literally (energetically) push love AWAY. We come across as needy, serious, and even pushy or uncaring. What if you could view dating as an opportunity to meet new people, be curious, learn more about what you desire in a long term relationship? It will make you more relaxed, open, inviting, and sexier.

Do practice caution on multiple dating.

Why...

When you are dating a number of men or women, you might end up stressing yourself out or treating them all with surface interest rather than depth of connection. Although you may be enjoying the variety of persons multiple dating can offer to you, be cautious you don’t send text messages to the wrong person or address them by the wrong name! Please don’t send blanket updates to the whole baseball team you’re dating 😉 Slow down and address each from your heart. Be curious and honoring of each person or set them free. Take a moment to ask yourself how many people can you date simultaneously while having truly nourishing meaningful connection with each so you can reach your goal of finding the One?

Don’t date other people to make someone jealous.

Why...

When you are dating another person just to make someone else jealous about it, you’re coming from fear, unkind manipulation, and cruel games. Suggesting that you are enjoying yourself with another’s company when really you are not… is also using that person for your own personal gain. Instead, sit in the fire and feel your disappointment, face your discomfort, let go of your attachment, and conclusions that THEY are the ONLY one for you. Remember that YOU are the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Let them go, close the door and move on with your heart open to people who value YOU as much as you value them.

Don’t overlook the presence of dubious behavior.

Why...

This is wear we really put on our big girl panties, our big boy boxer shorts. It’s about NOT judging yourself but instead taking total responsibility of behaviors that led to the failure of a relationship. This exercise births compassion, empathy, self forgiveness when you realize the breakup could have been prevented had you made a different choice. Acknowledge the presence of dubious behavior in the early stages of the relationship, so that you can dive into the wound that’s causing it… heal it… and rise into your best self, aligning the relationship toward success. If it’s happening not with you but your partner, be willing to see the truth. Speak up. Talk about it with an open heart free of blame. See if they will own it and grow… and if not, bless them and release them.

Do get to know yourself better.

Why...

To enjoy dating more, it’s wise to know yourself better. First this means taking the time to determine what you like, what your interests are, what your goals are, what your deal breakers are. Second this means coming to terms with the parts of you that challenge you, that you’re ashamed of, that haven’t seen the light of day because you avoid, deny, criticize or judge these parts… it’s time to heal them, evolve them, integrate the lessons into wisdom. It’s time to become a whole person who loves themselves unconditionally… wobbly parts and all. Why? This is how you become a high quality date… if you don’t judge YOU, you won’t judge THEM and they’ll feel safe, seen and understood by you. Of all the people they date, they’ll remember how they FEEL with you. Like Home. Because you are already Home inside your heart.

Don’t misinterpret engaging in phone or online sex.

Why...

Being yourself in dating can go a long way, especially if you are on a quest to finding a person to have a healthy relationship with. This is because when you won’t be hiding anything from your date, you can be assured that they would be accepting of you just the way you are. When we pretend we like sushi when it makes you gag, or you love yoga when you think it’s stupid, or you want kids when you are still on the fence… and you say these things because you don’t want to be rejected… they are falling in love with NOT you. The REAL you is going to show up eventually and they will feel blindsided or manipulated. Or you will extinguish your truth, light, dreams and essence and a part of your soul will wither away… BE bold, humble, brave, open and YOU.

Do have an ass slapping great life.

Why...

If you have found someone wonderful to date, someone you reeeeally like, it is STILL very important that you are still aware of your priorities and keep a balanced life. Watch out for the tendency to think THEY are the source of your happiness. They are a catalyst perhaps, they are inspiring you to be more self expressed or grateful… yet be aware NOT to become dependent on him or her. How do you do this? Be sure you have a great life… an ass slapping great life! Still focus on yourself, your health, your friends, family, your work AND your amazing new partner.

Do avoid negative individuals.

Why...

When you are around negative individuals, they see the glass as half empty, they are stuck in a pattern of blame or self-pity. This is more than just their mindset… it’s their energy which pulls your energy down and you start to think disempowering thoughts. You might start to doubt yourself or give up on your beautiful dreams. Therefore, when you decide who you’d like to date, choose to always surround yourself with positive individuals, people who have turned the very worst into the very best, those who have more than a positive mindset, their heart is literally vibrating with love, care, and kindness.

Don’t date to play games.

Why...

People aren’t commodities. People have feelings, emotions, and deserve the respect and honor that you’d like to receive. Thus if you’re just wanting some fun, nothing serious then be honest about that so people who are truly interested in a long term relationship won’t get hurt and you won’t have that weighing on your conscience. I know being alone is hard and perhaps doing the inner personal growth work is even harder… yet don’t date to make others jealous or to be a gold digger or use people just for sex then trash them. Everything’s energy and as they say, karma’s a bitch. Take a beat. Pause. Treat people with dignity. Be honest and upfront with your intentions. Hurt people hurt people… so be brave and humble and begin your inner work to heal.

Do be yourself.

Why...

Engaging in online or phone sex can be fun. It can feel super naughty and if you’re turned on by kink, this kind of taboo might really rev your sexual engines. So if you’re simply looking for turn on with no depth, no heart connection, no future and no responsibility, just surface titillation… then great. Yet if you’re looking for a deep, meaningful, fulfilling intimately thriving relationship… spending your energy in the opposite direction is sabotaging your success. Instead use the same time, energy and resources in Intimacy Training, healing your heart, practicing deep meaningful conversations so that you can meet your ideal partner.

Don’t forget it’s OK to take a break.

Why...

Taking a break from dating isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. It can be a good idea, especially if dating is making you more miserable. In taking a break, it can provide you with time to rediscover yourself and become the one inside that you’ve been seeking yet have never found. It’s a time to heal past wounds, integrate lessons into wisdom, get clear on your non-negotiables, remind yourself why you’re a great catch, too! Given everything is energy, if your vibe is low when you date, you’ll just attract duds who use you or aren’t a match. Yet when you do your inner work, focus on being your best YOU, engage in a life that enlivens you… your vibe is high and you’ll attract potential matches who ALSO vibe high. Together you can co-create a whole… that’s greater than the sum of the parts. Magic.

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