If a Girl Cancels a Date With You, How Do You Handle It?
QUESTION: If a girl cancels a date with you, how do you handle it — especially if you know her excuse is bullsh*t?
Since she expressed interest by giving me her number, I realize it might just be a test. How should I deal with last-minute cancellation? I am so sorry. That can really suck. Yet I suppose we can be grateful she called and didn’t pull a no-show? So it seems according to your awareness, she was interested in you and then at the last minute chickened out? Changed her mind?
Getting nervous is normal, doubting ourselves is normal, talking ourselves out of something is normal, yet I’d really like you to focus and spend your effort on someone who WANTS to go out with you and shows up to enjoy you, rather than waste time and energy on someone who is wishy washy.
I encourage you to stay clear of women who ‘test’ you and play games. If she does that now, she’s always going to play games and test you and who wants that? I would honestly move on. You don’t have to be mad and judge her as a bitch or anything, just bless and release her and recognize that she’s at a stage in development where she’s not grounded in her certainty… I’m sure there have been times where that’s been true for you. I know I’ve been there myself. You require someone who meets you where you’re at and expands you, not pulls you back, yes?
The only other thing I’d say is if you KNOW her excuse is bullshit and you sense she could talk about that with you, you might want to acknowledge it in a vulnerable, kind way. Maybe something like, “I sense that perhaps you’re having second thoughts about going out with me. I know I’ve had second thoughts sometimes. It would mean a lot to me if you’d be straight with me. Would you like me to call again to take you out in the future, or would you’d prefer I not? Either way is cool, it’s just great to be authentic with one another. I’d really appreciate that.”
Put that in your masculine words and not Allana-ese of course. Maybe I’m weird and as an Intimacy Coach I invite that level of authentic conversation, yet I have a really hard time playing games or being fake. I put it all out there. Granted, it’s confronting for some people who prefer to keep masks firmly in place, yet it’s how I roll. Only if I know someone will get cruel or defensive if I be authentic with them, do I let it slide. I don’t have to be right. It’s about the possibility of connection, intimacy and possibilities and not setting myself up to get pummeled with unkindness.
Thus if you have the awareness that they are playing games yet they DON’T have the capacity to have an authentic conversation with you about it, then don’t waste your breath or set yourself up to be abused. Just let it go and move on. It’s like when someone is super drunk, you wouldn’t waste your time trying to have a deep conversation with them. Or when your kid is freaking out having tantrum you wouldn’t waste your time trying to reason with them.
Same with this, if they can’t receive your authentic communication, just let it go. You don’t need the last word, that’s just your bruised ego. Rise above it and open your eyes, mind, heart and soul to meet someone who would adore spending time with you!
And if you have the awareness they CAN have a vulnerable conversation with you, it’s delicious to savor a miracle… that moment when love trumps fear… that moment when someone steps up and is intimate and authentic with you and stays connected. It allows you to dive into the mystery of a vulnerable conversation and something magical and exquisite occurs… this is what I hope for you… and so much more.>