Another memorable question from the beautiful men with the Good Men Project…
Allana, this may sound a little silly, but I need your help. I’m supposed to go on a group date and I have no idea what to wear. I’m a male, so asking a buddy just ISN’T going to happen. In the past, I have previously known the women I’ve dated…so I’d already passed the ‘first impression’ mark in the relationship so I wasn’t worried about my attire. But this will be the first time they’ll see me! How should I look so I don’t get shot down before I even open my mouth?
My love, your question isn’t silly whatsoever. In fact I believe there are no silly questions. And this gives me some insight right out of the gate that you might do a lot of self judging or be overly concerned with what other people think of you? Yet let’s dive in, great man.
Asking a friend what to wear, as a male, to a male… does that bring you shame, love? This is another indication that you seem to give your power away to other people’s opinions of you. A true friend wouldn’t judge you, and would most likely be delighted to be of help.
I’m wondering if in the past you were harshly rejected because you’re very aware of making a good first impression. I’d like you to consider the possibility that who you’re being, your energy, groundedness and centeredness speaks far louder than your attire or even your words.
I suppose if you were dressed in a leotard as a superhero, maybe that would be a bit much… but you seem overly concerned with the outside and not concerned enough with valuing your insides.
If attire was that important to me, I’d simply date a mannequin 😉 I yearn to be honored in my heart, I yearn for my soul to be seen, I yearn to connect deeply and authentically. And I also yearn not to be judged for my clothing, my purpose or my intricacies. How about you?
I enjoy fashion and I’m sure you do too. I’m confident your style is more than sufficient for this group date. I invite you to go deeper to what you’re REALLY afraid of with being shot down. I sense there is growth in being at peace with who you are and who you’re not. I sense you are not as grounded or centered in your self as you could be.
My recommendation would be to let go of worrying about what to wear and instead to show up for the state being more interested in other people then worried about your attire. Put your attention on another, be curious, be a good listener.
Remember the insides always create the outsides. The internal literally creates the external.
I recommend you download my complementary training at my men’s site called How to be a Noble Badass. Your heart seems emasculated my love. You don’t seem able to be present and instead are more concerned with being rejected then simply being yourself and enjoying getting to know new people.
If this is a pattern that you’d like to dissolve so that you feel confident in who you are, your fashion could shift from a strategy to ensure you don’t get shot down to simply an expression of your authentic nature. You could choose to learn to be free, to be unapologetically you, to be a noble badass. If this is your deepest hear’ts longing, I recommend you book a discounted introductory session with me.
I sense your heart has been emasculated and I’m sorry for whatever unkindness you endured. If you could come in to peace and grounded certainty on the inside, you would have a blast dating and feel dynamic freedom being exactly who you are.
This is the work I do with great men like you 😉
LMK how the group date went, and I would be honored to support you in living your truest mission and allowing the fullness of love to flow through your amazing heart, Allana xoox