Ending the Victim Cycle after a Custody Battle

After an acrimonious breakup like a custody battle, you’re not “done”. You generally need to co-parent with your former partner. There’s no “escape.”

Many people feel trapped in a prison, vulnerable against consistent threats and drama, unable to move forward in life or speak with respect about the other parent.

As a Relationship Coach, the first thing I guide my clients through is a healthy release of built up anger directed at a pillow, stomping around in nature, a kick boxing class, verbalizing it to a Coach (or you will fuel never ending battles with your ex & attract a new partner to fight with in subconscious hopes of processing this inner turmoil).

A divorce means unmet expectations, unfulfilled dreams, sadness and often betrayal. Anger covers the sadness beneath, so even though you may never want to be with that person again, take time to nurture the part of you that is disappointed or disheartened (or you will never heal your heart for another healthier relationship!)

Next is gratitude, how are you better for what has transpired? What have you learned? How have you grown? What is right about this, which you haven’t considered before? Now say Thank You for this experience, for you are more fully YOU in your potency because of it.

Lastly, focus on what you choose to create. Stop the degree of emails, texts and verbal contact; use software like Our Family Wizard, to have a structure and keep communication more respectful. Move forward with your dreams, say kind things about your partner, to the kids or say nothing at all… and use the legal system to support you if you need it.

Eliminate all self-judgment of why you ever married them in the first place (smile) and celebrate your growth and expansive future, your gratitude for the kids, your newfound downtime when they’re at the other parents, and your capacity to choose to focus on what brings you joy vs. get drawn into drama. Soar!

And finally, be patient. Perfection is not the game here, it’s being as loving, kind, caring and honoring of your SELF every moment on the journey, so as to feel peaceful and alive, AND so as to attract the next dimension of partner, to share a happy healthy life with, should you choose.

Blessings, Allana

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