With Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt
1. Stop the Blame Game: Glasser in his book called Choice Theory talks about the Solving Circle, where two parties discuss their differences in a way that strengthens a relationship and brings one another closer. Blaming the other clearly separates you from your partner and is like severing the solving circle. Sharing how you feel, what you need and creating solutions brings you closer and strengthens the circle, and affair proofs your relationship.
2. Acknowledge Him/Her Regularly: All male clients who have had affairs basically tell me the same story about the new woman, “She cared about me, asked me how my day was, gave me attention, affection, and made me feel important.” Now I know in a long term relationship it’s easy to slip into “What have you done for me lately” and the sense of curiosity and newness is gone. If you choose to look with fresh eyes at this man, what do you see, what can you praise, what can you acknowledge, even if you’ve said it before, mean it and he will feel it.
3. Hit Above the Belt: I can’t tell you how many male clients have told me they had an affair because she emasculated him, hit below the belt, didn’t fight fair. Now I’m not condoning what he did whatsoever, I’m saying that if you choose to respond (and notice I said choose, even though you’re angry, you still have a choice) if you choose to respond by projecting your hostility onto him, while protecting your wounded heart, it breaks a sacred bond between you too and if this isn’t fixed, or happens over time, he’ll stray to safer grounds.
4. Chase the Rabbit: A girlfriend of mine @GoToMom Kimberly Blaine taught me this one, when shooting some episodes for her. “I’m a bunny,” she says, “and he just keeps chasing me!” What I learned from Kimberly was that she wasn’t always available, she was fulfilled in her own world and work, she didn’t play games, yet he had to work at it if he was going to spend time with her, she was open, invitational and praising when he did. Works like a charm for their marriage.
5. Jealousy is Awesome: (to a point) You’ve seen his eyes wander. Yes wander OFF you and ONTO her. You could choose to let this infuriate you, yet you know an outburst or the silent treatment will only make him look MORE! I know this is big, but I’m asking you to say “Thank you sister” and let her be an invitation for you to awaken the next level of your womanly powers… is she more sultry than you? more soft? More at peace in her skin? Be willing to do the emotional work to love your body, take a dance class, let go of being so in control… do this for YOU! And THEN notice the ‘new you’ gets a lot more attention from your man!
Would you like to get even more intimate with Allana? Join her LIVE weekly show about being intimate, being authentic, being YOU! Intimate Conversations!