1. Don’t cope – CREATE: Our point of view creates our reality. When we’re sleep deprived, making mistakes, doubting ourselves and trying to juggle new demands while not letting the job, our health or our marriage fall apart, it’s challenging, YES! Yet if you look through the eyes of coping… it’s like agreeing to suffer. Instead look through the eyes of What Can We Create Here, Beloved? Does that sound more inviting? From that point of view notice how you feel lighter, more connected and can access more creative solutions while being grateful you get to co-create solutions with your partner.
2. Don’t deal with – RELATE TO: When infants don’t sleep or melt down in grocery stores, we often contract, close down, shrink… and can only ‘deal’ with the situation… giving our power away to the situation, letting the child have more power than us! Yet if you choose to expand, breathe, open up, become spacious and loving and kind and curious about what’s possible here… notice how you can ‘relate’, get to know, feel compassion, connect, and just BE with them… and from there, grace occurs- Really! Things shift for YOU have shifted. And a whole new door opens to a solution you never saw.
3. Don’t avoid – DIVE INTO THE FIRE- It’s warm! Avoiding each other just because things are challenging is a guarantee to make things worse. Blame seeps in, rolling eyes, staying late at work, disconnecting eye contact… this is where talking to a counselor or unbiased party would be great because you’re generally not mad AT your partner, more AT the situation that’s out of your control. If you can ‘dive into the fire’ and sit together in the discomfort, just listen and hear and not judge the other’s experience, just be together, surrender and stay connected, you remember you’re on the same team, you each express you needs, create solutions that strengthen your relationship…and I promise, just the calm energy between you two somehow makes them sleep through the night! Halleluiah!