As we begin the new year, we make resolutions, promises, declarations to ourselves and the universe. New year, new life, new love, new you. Question is, do we believe all that we declare? Specifically, do we truly need a new love or is loving “You” enough?
There are a few signs to know when a life partner is not right for you:
YOU THRIVE ALONE: Signs that your partner is a contribution to your life, is that all OTHER areas of your life get better. Thus a sign that having a life partner (or THAT life partner) is NOT for you is that when you date/be exclusive/get married, all other areas of your life worsen, fall apart or suffer. Take a bird’s eye view and assess your situation honestly.
YOU’RE RESISTANT/UNWILLING TO MAKE SPACE: Everything in life either lifts you or depletes you. And everyone is wired differently. If you get cranky at the thought of having to share your home, your time, your closet, your money, your vacations, your evenings… then making space for a full time life partner isn’t right for you now, or at all. Honor what’s true for you.
YOUR PRIORITIES ARE ELSEWHERE: Relationships take time, energy, money and focus to thrive. If your priorities are on your career, your spiritual growth, your children as single parent… be bold and courageous enough to honor that and don’t string someone along, use them or lie to yourself just to be socially acceptable if you’re happier going it alone.
So what do you do now?
BE HONEST: Just because you may not desire a life partner, doesn’t mean you don’t desire sex! Be upfront, honest and truthful when meeting people so no one’s heart gets hurt or expectations crushed. Create a solid foundation of authenticity and allow yourself to ask for exactly what you desire: Do you want them to stay over? Do you want to engage in texting/emails/phone calls in-between sexual adventures? Do you desire gifts or public displays of affection when out? Do you require you or them sleeping with only one person at a time or are you OK with many partners at one time?
HONOR YOU: Take regular time to get clear inside with what’s true for you. Then be courageous and noble by communicating these truths to lovers. AND be willing to change your mind as you navigate life without a life partner in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond… stay out of conclusion. Stay intimacy connected to YOU. You are amazing, unique… one of a kind 😉